Dear Bandleader:

We look forward to your performance at our daughter's wedding. If you don't mind, we would like to request a few of our favorite songs. If you could play these at some point during the reception, we'd be grateful:

Any Keith Jarrett composition from his solo series. Please arrange it for full ensemble in the key of B and nothing in 4/4 please.

Mahavishnu Orchestra, "Dance of the Maya" and please have the guitarist play John Mclaughlin's solo from the live performance Nov. 16, 1972 at Chrysler Arena. My wife and I were at that show and we particularly liked his use of polyrhythms. If you find it too difficult you can leave out the feedback.

Any of John Coltrane's duets with Pharaoh Sanders. I understand that their use of atonality is not everyone's cup of tea, but all our guests love high register tenor saxes.

We thought a little Stravinsky right after the toast would be nice. We particularly like "The Rite of Spring." If you have to use the sheet music it's OK. We like a tempo of about 1/4 note = 93 and transpose it down 3 half-steps - it will be so much more appropriate for this occasion in the slightly lower register. Please make sure the tempo is correct as Uncle Cousin Randy will be tap dancing.

Then for the candle lighting ceremony, please play Frank Zappa's "The Grand Wazoo." If you want to play it in the original key of Bb, that would be fine. My cousin Jeannie would like to sing the baritone sax solo in the key of D - she has kind of a high voice.

When my daughter throws the garter, could you play just a little of Varese's "Ionization." It's such a funny piece, we think it would go over real well. Much better than "The Stripper."

And for the Bride & Groom's first dance, please slow things down a bit by doing Barber's "Adagio For Strings." It's so much better than "We've Only Just Begun" or the "Anniversary Waltz" or "Color my World".

When my wife and I join in the first dance, could you please segue to Thelonius Monk's "Ruby, My Dear" - it's in honor of my wife's grandmother whose name was Ruby. It would mean so much to the family.

We'll have your check for the fee of $250 (minus our expenses in contacting you of $12.50) by the end of next month: we're a little short as the young lady doing the balloon arch wanted her $1,850 in advance and the DJ had to be paid up front his $2,500 as normal. Our daughter assured us that your love of music was greater than your need for money, and that you would welcome the exposure you would get from playing this wedding. Before you leave, please feel free to ask the caterer for a snack sandwich and a soda (the bottles are returnable or you can pay the deposit to the butler).

Thanks very much for all your help. We'll certainly be happy to recommend your band to all our friends.

Please use the back entrance to avoid disturbing the guests...